A * I O U

Crap! ... I was trying to get at some lint under my keyboard. .. Now I have just broken the "e" key off. I'm typing on some rubbery business each time I press where the "e" should be. I suppose its manageable But having a gaping hole on my keyboard where a very popular vowel used to be is incredibly offputting.

Labor Day

Does anyone find it ironic that we celebrate Labor day by being as leisurely as possible?
.. I managed to fit a lot in.. and actually spent a good portion of it on my own. I took an invigorating run/walk with LCee this morning but other than that, opted to spend time alone with Sake, in my City.

First stop: Blue Bottle! Sake and I braved the line for a steaming latte. aaaahh. So soothing.
Then came a stroll through the Castro and lunch alone with the Bible. No, not that Bible, this Bible:

Clocking in at 840 pages, this sucker added 4.4lbs to my tote bag today. And I will go on record to say that this will be the only time Sienna "F&cking" Millr makes me her bitch.

Back to my Labor Day, I came home and actually labored in my yard, planted some Quartz Scarlet Verbena in my bottom terrace and did general clearing, trimming, and cleaning. One thing is always a guarantee whilst working on the yard, people always stop to chat. Today I met a gaggle of french tourists who not only delighted in my pretty flowers, but also took pictures of Sasa posing on the stairs. (See sidebar for an idea of her picture perfectness.)

After the outside, it was time to work on the inside. There was dusting to be done, along with two loads of laundry. What had come over me?? I guess thats what happens when I am left to my own devices. I realized at one point that it had been some time since I spent the day alone, nowhere to go, no one to see. Just Sake and I alone with my thoughts. I thought I would be lonely, but it was strangely enjoyable! And the day isn't even over yet!

My "Real Age"

I took a "real age" test today.
What does that mean? Well, according to Longevity expert Dr. Michael Roizen, everyone has two ages: your chronological age and your real age. Your real age is determined by your lifestyle rather than your birthday. Funny how his quiz didn't ask me about my crystal meth habit.

According to him, although I am *cough* *cough* 38, my Real Age is 32.4 I lost almost a whole year because on average I drive 5 to 14 mph over the speed limit. Damn.

Curious? Take the abbreviated quiz here.
Let me know your results!

Everybody Run! The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun...

My attitude towards guns has always been a healthy mixture of apprehension, respect, intimidation, and fear. I didn't grow up around them; and like a lot of people, my main familiarity with them has been through media reports of gang shootings and Hollywood depictions. And though I always thought Kelly Garrett and the rest of the Angels always looked so cool chasing down bad guys with their pistols, I never thought it could be for me. Don't get me wrong. As a little girl, I do remember running around the house with my fingers in gun formation, yelling "Cover me Bree!" over my shoulder. But the fear of having an actual gun in my hands made me cringe with fear.

When D brought out his Mossberg I just curled up into a little ball in the couch, refusing to hold it. When he urged me to even just touch it, he swears I just curled up into an even littler ball. But secretly, somewhere deep down, I knew I wanted to be an Angel.

This past Sunday I got my very first taste of shooting firearms. The Boys go shooting at the range regularly enough, but up till now, I was never able to make it. They chose a great Gun Club in the Los Altos hills... and on a beautiful bright Sunday, we made a day of it.

I got to shoot clay pidgeons and even did some target practice with pistols!
As Laino showed me how to load and aim, I became increasingly nervous. But surrounded as I was by 6 other comfortable gunhandlers, I knew everything would be alright.

Admittedly, I was shocked by the kickback the first time I pulled the trigger. I was slightly in awe of the power I could feel coming out of the muzzle. But when I hit the pidgeon on my 2nd or 3rd shot, it started to feel like fun! I couldn't believe that I actually got the shotgun to do what I wanted it to do. A certain part in me kicked in, and I wanted to get better at this delicate balance between (wo)man and metal. Did it happen in the course of one afternoon? No. Did I have (parden the pun) a blast? YES. My respect for guns certainly grew; but truth be told, I think a bit of my fear did too....

Lock, stock, and two smoking barrels.

Superbad!

On a clear day, you can shoot forever.

"You can take the redneck out of Ohio...."

Panda Porn?

So, just a big more background on the Panda Breeding happening down in San Diego...

Natural breeding success (April 24, 2007)

Adult female Bai Yun surprised the Giant Panda Team by demonstrating she was ready for breeding a few days earlier than anticipated. The adult male, Gao Gao, and Bai Yun were allowed to mate naturally today. With the successful pairing, researchers are optimistic about conception. Over the next several months, Bai Yun's behavior and hormone levels will be monitored; however, if a pregnancy occurs it will not be determined until just days before she gives birth.

And the resulting 20-day old cub had its first exam yesterday!Covered in fine white fur, it weighed in at a robust 23.5 ounces and measuring 11.4 inches in length,

Even Steven...

It is always great to get a random compliment to start your day.
A young fellow sat down in front of me on the Muni this morning. I thought nothing of it until he slowed down to walk behind me as we exited our way up to street level. "My god," I thought. "Maybe he wants to rob me!" I walked as fast as I could (while still looking non-panicked) up the escalator. And as he turned to exit on the east side, he said to me.. "I'm sorry to bother you. But you are a beautiful woman." I could only gush back a thank you. "I bet you're married, have a boyfriend or something like that, huh?".. "Yes, something quite like that. But you are incredibly sweet. Thank you!"

... Good gracious. All that and I hadn't even put on my purple patent slingbacks on yet!... I could barely fit my head into the elevator up to work. But lest I got too carried away with myself, it turns out my laptop had contracted a virus and my workday got f&cked up for a good 3 hours. Can we call it Even Steven now?

I Want One!

I know.. its been a while...
But guess what time it is????
THAT's right!!!!!!!!!!!! Its time for ..*booming voice* PANDA CAM!!!!!!!!!!!

Bai Yun just had a cub 2 weeks ago.. Her fourth!
Go visit and check out the new Mama! Its fun watching her lumber around her den.

*Enter Cliche Jumping/Falling Song Here*

Well here I am, back on land, safe and sound!
What a wonderful day it was.

I ended up jumping from a height of 18,000 feet along with LaLa and RayRay. And I can assure you that a 90-second freefall is not likely an experience any one of us will soon forget; particularly as RayRay had a DVD made of her jump!

For hours afterwards we had permagrins and days later... I can still close my eyes and muster the terror I felt as I peered out the plane, saw Salinas Valley laid out before us, and felt the wind whipping my face. Never mind me yelling out at my trusty jumpmate J.R... "I can't do this! I can't do this!".... But its that moment of letting go, falling out and feeling that ridiculous giddyness as you give in to the rush.........................(And BTW, thats RayRay on the verge of her jump, not me.)

I highly recommend anyone try this once in their life.... Just don't ask me to sing you Creed songs to get you amped...

Might as well JUMP!

For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to jump out of a plane tomorrow. So wish us godspeed when LaLa, RayRay, and I tumble out of plane over 10,000 feet up in the air.

Having done a jump once before I know the absolute buzz that is in store for me. (It is RayRay's first time.).. I am by no means an extreme sport-type, but I must admit the high you get from skydiving is indescribable. I look forward to the sh*teating grin thats going to be plastered on my face.... and the big wooooooohooooooooo I'm going to let out when each one of my girls lands eagerly after me.

I'm not nervous right now, but I suppose things could be different once I'm up there on the plane. This outing in fact has forced me to think about getting about "getting my estate in order". Once finished here, in fact, I will be taking pen to paper and writing my will..... Who wants my collection Jean-Luc Picard figurines?? Speak up now or forever hold your peace....

Craving a Laugh?

I rather thought listening to Terry Gross and NPR's Fresh Air at work would be relatively harmless. Her voice is oh-so-soothing and I can usually crank out a packet of reports in a nice relaxed manner.

Today, however, her program was quite disruptive and sent basically a constant barrage of chuckles streaming out of my cubicle. She had Paul Rudd as a guest and goodness gracious he is my new hero! I suspected he had the potential for kooky humor ever since I saw him in Laz Buhrmann's Romeo and Juliet. .. I love his way of throwing caution to the wind with his comedy, and yet he balances it with this understatement that absolutely floors me. His many collaborations with Judd Apatow and the gang, has only cemented it. As I chuckled my way through the interview, I got the yearning- no, craving - for more laughs. (Side note: He said when most people come up to him on the street, they like to open with, "You know how I know you're gay??" AWESOME.) Did I ever tell you that I love to laugh? I mean.. I love it. I need it. I yearn for it. That moment when you feel it bubble up inside you? And then it just.. BOOP.. pops out? And once it is out, it, in my case, is uncontrollable. Forget about the whole opposable thumb thing; this separates us from the animals.. Its the best feeling in the world.. But I digress...

In any case, I wanted to inject more silliness into my day. So it was YouTube to the rescue.
I found the scene I wanted with Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, and Steve Carrell (and that 4th guy.. dont' know him). Enjoy, laugh, giggle, chuckle. Guffaw even.... Without further ado, here's a little Afternoon Delight.. ...


I dont' remember this music video from Anchorman.. perhaps it's on extra on the DVD? And it's not just the fact that its funny and ridiculous; its that they look like they are having an absolute ball doing all this. You want to join in!!

Memory Lane is Full

My little Mac'y has been gaining weight. In fact, it just can't take on any more.... Her Startup Disk is almost full! .. I can't believe it. I've never done this before. I've managed to fill up an entire computer! Wow...........

So until I get started on burning backup discs and begging the Apple store for help, I've been deleting away. When am I ever likely to use the Italian HelpMe files for Garageband? (Actually, can someone answer this? I've been deleting and freed up 1gb. But then, the more I delete, the less memory I have! HUH??) I'm even combing through my pictures and deleting anything that's basically just crap. Inevitably this whole exercise has turned into a walk down memory lane.

I got to a batch of pics from RJ's first Easter Egg hunt. I hav a quite a few shots from that morning so I figured I'd be able to find 1 or 2 to delete . But he's adorable in each one. I almost decide on this gem (doubleclick on pic to see larger version); but lookey lookey there to the right. Check out little Sasa leaving a little Easter treat on the lawn there! ... Can't delete that! That's classic!

So I guess its back to Memory Lane.......

A Battle

I have been battling a cold, and I can't really tell who's winning.
The noseblowing phase didn't last very long, but right now I'm feeling pretty light-headed, woozy. Great conditions for laying in bed and finishing up Harry Potter, but not so great for getting anything accomplished, at work... or otherwise.

And so it goes....

“Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms”

It has been a strangely dog/animal focused week for me; and not in a good way I think. My days and mornings have been spotted with tears and anger. First and foremost:
MICHAEL VICK. WHAT THE FARK IS WRONG WITH YOU???
Hanging? Electrocution? How can anyone do that to a living animal? Clearly, you don't see these dogs as animals. Just fighting machines to be used for your enjoyment. I say enjoyment as I would as a NFL Quarterback with Nike endorsements, you wouldn't need this as a side income venture!!!
It is mortifying to hear that dog fighting is growing in popularity... Training these creatures for aggression and bloodthirst. I am glad to hear Nike is holding off on his merchandise. I hope the book is thrown at him.

And then we have 2 teenage girls in Santa Rosa who set a 8-week-old kitten on fire?? Watch out North Bay, those are 2 potential serial murderers in your midst. A defenseless creature in a cage that you feel would be fun to terrorize. And look, little Adam is fighting to live. His tail and the tips of his ears have been amputated, and his entire back is nothing but raw tissue, the skin having been burned completely off. And yet, look at that face! Eye of the Tiger BABY!!!

Then I hear about one of Oprah's golden retrievers accidental death. Goodness gracious!

And to top it all off, I've been reading about Barbaro the winner of the Kentucky Derby. ... .. By the time I got to the end of his story, I was in absolute tears this morning. And this time it wasn't just my eyes getting misty. My cheeks were wet, nose running. And although I am definitely not a horse hater, I can't say that I've harbored any sort of particular fondness for them either. But what magnificent creatures horses are! I must meet one now....

As this week nears its end, I can't wait to spend time with little Sake to Me. Indeed, she is often the best medicine for what ails me.




And if you see Michael Vick, kick him really hard for me. Just as I'm sure he's done to so many dogs already.

Ahoy Mateys!

In the world of adventure and physical challenges, I am what you call a late bloomer. I have only in recent years pushed myself to explore new experiences that I would have previously had run (very fast)away from.

This year will be no different as I am taking on a sailing challenge this October on behalf of the Tallship Education Academy and I humbly ask for your support with a tax-deductible donation at this link. Not only will I be learning how to sail on the San Francisco Bay, I will also be raising money for an educational program that ties academics into sail training and give young students an educational experience that would change how they view themselves, their future and their community. Something I myself never had; hence, the late blooming.

Founded by Caitlin Schwarzman in 1998 at Mercy High School in San Francisco, the Tall Ship Semester for Girls is set apart by four unique elements. First, the students are racially and socio-economically diverse, second, all students’ have demonstrated financial need is met, third, students are all drawn from the San Francisco area and their lessons at sea are tied into their lives during the culminating six weeks in their home community and finally, this program is the only all-girls sail training program in the country.

The 3-days Women’s Challenge is designed to give 12 participants a taste of what the girls will experience during a semester at sea, and all proceeds will benefit the Tall Ship Semester for Girls program. I will be part of a small group that will work together aboard the Schooner Seaward to learn the important skills necessary to sail a large schooner in San Francisco Bay and along the coast. Success will depend not only on individual sailing knowledge but on the strength of the group’s ability to work together as a team. Quite frankly, success will also depend on my ability to avoid seasickness, my not so great ability as a swimmer, and how I deal with the bathroom situation. ACK!

I hope you can help with my fundraising goal (its a doozy!)this year in making a Semester at Sea a reality for a deserving student. And I promise I will have stories o’plenty after my 3 days on the Sea!

I do encourage you to read more about this accredited program: www.tallshipacademy.org
And read about last year’s crew in the San Francisco Chronicle!

ALL DONATIONS TAX DEDUCTIBLE

Happy-Go-Lucky

I'm not by nature a happy-go-lucky person. (I don't think I am anyway... and for the sake of today's post I ask you to go with me on this one.) Which is why I find those little Simple Pleasure moments few and far between. Sure, they probably happen a lot more often than I give them credit for.. but I'm usually oblivious to them.

But this past Saturday I caught a moment. It was fleeting but lovely nonetheless; a moment comprised of some of my favorite things: coffee, food, and Sake.

Little Sasa was in need of a new collar, so we scuttled down to our favorite pet store in Hayes Valley and tried on a variety of pink collars. She was being such a good girl and almost seemed to enjoy each of the collars she tried on. But I digress. After we decided upon a pink and silver number, we walked down to Blue Bottle Coffee for a shot of caffeine. Delish. I was also eyeing the luscous chocolate macaroons but decided against it. But as I was fishing around for my $3... one of the gals placed a whole platter of the macaroons in front of me with a little handwritten sign... "FREE". My goodness! By the Will of the Gods, I thought,I am meant to have a macaroon! .... So I picked up a piece of chocolate heaven and sauntered on, Sake by my side, latte in one hand, macaroon in the other. Sake looked super cute and ladylike in her new collar, I could hear the *click click* of her steps, happy and proud to be out and about. The latte in hand was hot and soothing, bold with flavor. The macaroon was rich in taste and gooey in just the right texture( and free!).

Indeed, at that moment my friends, I most definitely felt bliss, happy to be alive, no care in the world.... And on a day like today... when I feel most decidedly NOT happy-go-lucky.. boy do I need to hold on to that moment!

Being Green: Episode 1

Or.. Al Gore may I please have a word with you?

A curious story about my attempts at Being Green. One of my bathroom lights blew out today and although a slight annoyance, I thought, yippee! the perfect chance to use the Compact Flurescent Lightbulb (CFL) that I bought but had yet to break open. So I pitpat over to my cupboard and pulled the bulb out with no small amount of self-congratulatory glee. Hmmm...
Is it me? ... Or is there a lot of packaging here for one bulb?

Yes. In fact, methinks there is more packaging wrapped around this bulb then there is around Melanie Griffith's face!


Undaunted, I proceeded to open the package and get my Green on. Except it seemed to take forever. My scissors had a tough time cutting through the thick plastic. I gave up the strategy and tried attacking the plastic with my hands. I pulled and pulled. And with one final try I pulled the two plastic sides apart. Success! ... The bulb came flying out of the packaging and landed 6 inches below onto my new acrylic coffee table. I think you can guess the rest....

Yeah, $7 in the trash. A lot of wasted plastic. And I still have incandescent bulbs in my bathroom......
I've said once, and I'll say it again... its just not so easy being green.....

Bon Voyage Lala!

A hectic Friday... Have much to share but little time to do so.

But I have to send my hugs and kisses and best wishes to the amazing LaLa.
She is off to Morocco today!!!!
May you see amazing sights, hear awesome sounds, and taste delectable tidbits.
But above all else, remember the cranberry pills, and stay away from the fucking fromage!

You're gonna MoROCCo their world.

(Sorry!  Couldn't resist!)

Making New Friends...

So its a beautiful busy Monday.  My entire left leg has been aching since last night.  And it was yet another morning that I had to walk all the way to Market Street to catch the Muni to work.

But more importantly, I want to know why on EARTH I got invited to be "friends" with this MySpace chick...???

Bitter and Indignant, Paris is Burning

I know this story has already been beaten to death.... but quite frankly, I could not believe my eyes when I opened up my entertainment news only to find out Paris has been released from jail after only serving 3 full days!

I was already pissed enough when I found out the bitch wouldn't have to spend her full 40+ days... my annoyance was deepened when they told us they didn't remove her hair extensions like all other women have to do because hers were so deeply attached.. whatever.
But now the BitchWhoreSKANK is going to serve the rest of her time under Mansion Arrest?

GIVE ME A BREAK! Health concerns? WHAT she couldn't handle the Sidekick shakes??
Another example of some stupid ass rich chick celebrity getting off. I'd like to blame the blondeness but I don't think Michelle Rodriguez paid her debt to society for very long either (1 day only I think).

I just for whatever reason, LOVE to HATE this BitchWhoreSKANK. (Not to be confused with my #1 Bitch Slap. I don't love her in any way shape or form.) I just hate the way she is trying to pretend she's changing her ways while trotting around town with the Bible in hand... front cover conveniently turned out. I hate the way she claims she is still a great Role Model for young girls. It disgusts. Just admit that you are the BitchWhoreSKANK that you are so we can cut the pretense.

I've got to hand it to her though... The bitch knows how to take a mugshot...

EDIT: Sweet. BitchWhoreSKANK is going back. She'll be out on bail next Monday, but it was all worth it to see her waililng. The picture is absolutely gold. The sad thing is.. she just won't get it. Her parents won't get it. It's everyone else being unfair. But they won't understand that people are crying for her blood because she is so oblivious to her privilege. Will she do a PSA against drunk driving? Will she pursue other, more philanthropic, endeavors? Pursue a real career? ...



And I still don't think the SideKick Shakes count as any sort of deteroiating medical condition. The sheriff was sucked in by her manipulation just like everyone else around her. The judge is the only one who sees through her bullshit. And when she realized her sob story wasn't going to get her out of this, all she could do is cry out for Mommy. I mean, c'mon, she thought she could TELECONFERENCE her appearance before the judge????? And THAT wouldn't be preferential treatment?

Hazardous Work

I have issues with public bathrooms. Actually, I have issues with most bathrooms that are not my own. .... Unless there is an urgent bowel need, I will avoid dropping the kids off out in public at all costs. Not the ballpark bathroom, not the airport bathroom, not the restaurant bathroom, not the shopping mall bathroom, not even the office bathroom. When travelling, it even takes me a day or two to warm up to the hotel bathroom. Once, I missed a whole college lecture because I had to go 10 minutes into the lecture; but once in the bathroom, got stage fright and was stuck there for a good 40 minutes. Good times....

Well, now I have another anecdote to add to my already gem-filled vault.
Nature called last week near the end of the work day, and I decided to throw caution to the wind and do the deuce on company time. ... Slowgoing as there was a fair bit of traffic coming in and out of the ladies room (that gives me stage fright too). But just as I was being to relax, a nightmare came to life. The FREAKING FIRE ALARM goes off! And its not a drill. In fact, the incident was reported from the floor below mine. So, ok, all I need is a fireman to come rushing into the bathroom demanding my exit. All I could do was finish my business the best I could and go back to my desk and collect my things.

Unfortunately, by the time I emerged from the bathroom, just about everyone was gone. I walked down alone the 4 flights of stairs only to find a building engineer telling me I had to walk down.

"Walk down another 4 floors?"
"No! Walk DOWN."

OMGWTFBBQ!! I had to walk down 31 flights of stairs! And yes, although it is better than walking UP 31 flights of stairs, have you any idea how your legs would feel by floor 22? In 3 inch heels? No. I did not take off my shoes (they were Aerosoles.. ); at this point, I didn't even want to stop to readjust anything I was wearing or carrying. I just needed OUT. So with my handbag and gymbag in tow, I trudged on. 19.... 18...... 17....... By floor 12 I was feeling my quads shaking. With each step down, my legs felt like jello. Highly unpleasant.
Once I reached the ground floor, the doors were locked and signs instructed me down to the next floor. After a series of doors and drafty corridors I ventured out one last heavy door , wondering somehow if I had ended up in Oakland. But nope, just the receiving dock. I made it out alive, although in tears, still alive. And I didn't even have to use chewing gum and a bobby pin to blow myself out...

The moral of the story kids? A crapper at the office can be hazardous work!