Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Isn't It Ironic?

It has not gone unnoticed that we spent this past Christmas and now, Chinese New Year without my folks around. Ironic since my father had what he considered his near-death experience. You'd think he'd want some quality time. Oh well. It's probably better this way..... It's just that Erica and I don't really know what we're doing. I just know... don't sweep on New Year's Day... and put away away the knives.

Which is pretty much tantamount to... no cleaning and no cooking. Hey! Sounds good to me!

Monday, January 23, 2006

Home Sweet Home

Oh my gad!! Three days without the internet, and without a TV. By last night, I was starting to get the shakes! Thank god for my laptop, I at least had my music and DVD capability.
The movers were none too pleased by the steep set of stairs leading up to my Condo; in fact, I'm pretty sure they called me a bunch of bad names in Mandarin. But I pretended I didn't understand. Cuz I'm slick like that.
Right now I can't walk anywhere in the place without dodging a box or a bag of Styrofoam. In fact, it took me close to an hour to make breakfast yesterday. I had to look through 6 boxes just to find a skillet and we had to use Kero Keroppi forks. Oh, and I never did find the coffee mugs.
But I've woken up to a beautiful view of the morning sun and the City Skyline and D even helped me do a little gardening yesterday. I learned to identify the knotweed! "Oh. Those are weeds? I thought it belonged there..."

On a different note, Amazing Race casting call went alright I guess. Without planning to, Erica and I wore the same jcrew jacket, jeans, and our Uggs(but in different colors). So as part of the tape, we took the jackets off to show that at least we had differing tops on. Y'know, we're the same, but different! My TV career is now in the hands of the producers. But I can say, at least we tried out.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

This Week's To Do List:

  • Expense report for Makeup Samples
  • Go over review with Boss at 4pm. Hope she doesn't mention my internet/blog usage.
  • Move into new Condo. w00t!!
  • Unpack. Boo.
  • Vendor meeting with L'Oreal. Make reservations for lunch. > One Market
  • Open Casting Call for Amazing Race. Come up with "angle".
  • Conference Call today at 5pm. (Try not to fall asleep.)
  • List of work stuff 25 items too long(too boring to list)
  • Order a new couch.
  • Purge stress (ie. Sit down in private place and cry.)
  • See my honey.
  • Attend get-together at Tom's new bachelor pad. (Don't get too drunk.)
  • Quality time with Sake.

Did I forget anything?? Oh yeah...

  • Review basic algebra.
  • Get a haircut before Chinese New Year.
  • Decide on outfit for Casting Call.

Thursday, January 12, 2006 AKA: Don't Read This If You're Eating Breakfast.

Screw it. This is what I want to be when I grow up:

dinner whore
A girl who is exclusively after a free meal or an expensive gift. She actively seeks out dates with well-off men who will wine and dine her at upscale restaurants. She is usually physically attractive enough to make the man fall for her feminine wiles. She will rarely have sex with these men...

And after some debate at the house the other night, my sister and I were informed Tossing Salad does NOT just mean sex. Wow! You really DO learn something new everyday!
1. tossing salad
the act of placing your tongue in a male or females ass, and probing all around the circumferance of the asshole, while aiding the person in masturbation
I was going to toss Sporty's salad but as I went down he had a dingleberry, so I stopped.

2. tossing salad
Having your salad tossed means having your asshole eaten out with syrup or jelly; syrup is generally preferred. This is usually done as initiation for someone that wants to score some drugs in jail, or by sexually depraved people.
-"Have you seen the new boy in cell block D? I'ma make him my bitch; he'll be tossing salads by the end of the week!"
-"Mary is a freak in bed; last night she tossed my salad!"

3. tossing salad
To lick deep into ones asshole
I was tossing her salad so hard that I was able to tell what she ate for lunch...*chili*

4. tossing salad
licking the corn hole
Bitch! You better toss my salad before I have to smack yo ass.
5. tossing salad
almost like a rim-job. It is having a male or female lick around the asshole.
Man yesterday I tossed this gurls salad and now I have a shit taste in my mouth!

6. tossing salad
the art of eating shit hole
Gosh, I sure do like to toss salad (eat shit hole).
7. tossing salad
Eating asshole. Basically, tossing the salad
Julie likes to toss caesar salad with italian dressing

Oh but don't forget the duck butter!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

The Heart of a Hypochondriac

My father is many things (see June 19 post), including a hypochondriac.  My mother likes to avoid doctors at all costs. (Doctor, Jeff Hathaway, 2003) I think I fall somewhere in between. So quite often I end up getting pissed off at both of them for either overreacting and overdosing or avoidance and denial.

Lately my father had been complaining of tightness of the chest. We all thought he was just having anxiety attacks; y'know,cry wolf and all that. But as he was leaving on a month-long trip back to China and Hong Kong, we thought it would give him peace of mind to have it checked out. After 15min of being hooked up to a treadmill not unlike the 6 Million Dollar Man, I think my Dad finally got the answer he was looking for: Something was wrong and he needed a procedure. But, said the cardiologist, it's not dire and if you take these pills you can still go on your trip and have the procedure when you return.  Yeah.  Not likely.  The trip has come to a screeching halt with my mother frantically calling the travel agent. We're shooting to go in next week and have them go in and check things out; and if needed, while they're in there put a splint stent in his artery. 

With his greatest fear come to fruition, he couldn't stop thinking about it.  "This is a turning point in my life!"  and "I can't believe I ran that 5K.  I could've died!"   Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

My sister and I spent 30minutes the other night berating him for putting one foot in the grave already.  He is already thinking the worst and predicts he may need a bypass.  "Your mom is disappointed we're not going to Hong Kong. I can tell.  But it's not worth my life, is it??"   The melodrama has begun...  and I don't know how to deal. 

"Dad!  You've gone from A to Z already!  Can we just take this one step at a time?  What happened to B and C and D?  You are nowhere near death so stop acting like you are!..  You are not only going to have to change your lifestyle, you're going to need to change your outlook and your attitude on life!"  Was I a bad daughter for not showing more sympathy??

Fast forward:  he went in for the procedure 18 hours later..  Said my sister, "Wow.  He was going to get on a plane to China   Now he's going into the hospital instead?"  

Edit: This is The Procedure.

Well, it turns out my father's front artery was 95% blocked. But a stent was put in and after a sleepless night in ICU, he rested at home comfortably. We knew it was a good sign when he heard he would likely be discharged the next day before Noon.
Dad: "Oh. Good. I'll make it home for football"
R: "There's a game tomorrow Dad? It's Saturday."
Dad: "Oh yes... It's the playoffs."
Mom: "What time is the game?"
Dad: "...One.."
E: "Uh-huh! You're not THAT sick!..
R: Did you talk to your bookie yet? What's the spread?"
Dad: "No. Not yet."
E & R(in unison): "Ok. He's a LITTLE sick."

It was difficult to watch my father in such fear. I tried to get him to relax and keep his thoughts happy and positive. But during his wait and prep time, his fists were often clenched, I had to keep unfurling his fingers. And I could see it in his face as they rolled him away into the surgery room. As much as I wanted to face him with a brave face, I could only react with tears of my own.

I wish I could write in a more eloquent manner about how much my father means to my family. Or about the parent/child relationship. Or even about aging? Or how about mortality itself?
But I can't. So I won't.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Hello 2006. Rowdeezy Reporting for Duty

Fine. Waking up at Noon doesn't quite consitute as reporting for duty, but I think that's just a technicality.
Back to the business at hand. 2005. Finished. Kaput. Personally, I thought I spent much of it constantly looking ahead; trying to forget that beast called 2004 and forging into 2006. But strangely enough, while I was so busy planning for my life in the future, I managed to pull off a couple of cool stunts. Half Dome, Half-Marathon, and Halfway around the world( I touched down in Steamboat Springs, New York, Hong Kong, and Hawaii all in a 2 month span). So, I suppose all was not lost.

This was even one of the best Holiday Seasons I've had in a while(even though this was the first time in years I didn't have my own tree.) In fact, I've racked my brain, but I seriously cannot remember what I did NYE in 2003!! Scary. It was either hellaciously boring or so fucking great that my brain has blocked it so as keep me from being disappointed every year thereafter. Somebody knows! Who was I hanging with? Anyone? Anyone?
The ending of 2005 found me in 1984. Perhaps not my first choice, but I found out just months ago that I have hookup... and guestlist entry on NYE is nothing to scoff at. And besides, premium vodka on the rocks there only cost me $6 a pop. The 80's, now sure I know most of the words to Blister in the Sun and god help me, even Livin' on a Prayer(Hey, no snickers from the peanut gallery!).. but all inhibitions were lost once I ventured into the back room of the Cat Club (you know the cool music is always in "the back room". ) when they played all the cool alternative stuff, including my all time favorite 80's song. A guess ?... Aaah well, when This Charming Man by The Smiths came blaring over the speakers, I lost it. I'm not really sure anymore how one dances to that song.. but last night I didn't care, Dancer's High achieved. And here's another gem.. Sexcrime(1984) by the Eurythmics! Unfortunately, some guy elbowed me while doing his crazy New Wave dancing and I dropped my glass to the ground. And when the glass shattered on the ground, I became That Girl. You know, That Girl. The one who shouldn't be on the dance floor with a drink. But I swear! It was not my fault. The Drag Queens believed me. They reached down and gave me a consoling hug for losing the last drops of my Vanilla on the Rocks. I think they envied my quai-bondage heels. Nooo... I don't think these came in a size 14...

All in all a good night. Not a lick of rain. A fair share of champagne. No City traffic. Sushi dinner. Rowdeezy +3 on the Guest List. Good buzz achieved. This Charming Man. A right handsome desginated driver. No drunk loonies on the freeways. Warm and snuggly in bed by 3am.
HELLO 2006! I hope you and your families had a great passing of the New Year. Much peace and happiness to you all.