Friday, September 29, 2006


As if my body was sensitive to the power of suggestion.... Turns out I had to cleanse myself right in the middle of my Wednesday run. Not very convenient. Much relieved once I got to cleanse back home. In fact, I think the planets aligned to help things along even further as more cleansing ultimately happened after that. (I know, TMI. Ha!) This preview has been enough to convince me that there is no way that I am going to subject myself to 4-5 cleanses a day via Master Cleanse. That feeling is just too tortuous. Sorry Dahlings. I haven't the fortitude.

On the pleasant topic tip: As I washed my hair last night, I thought to myself.. "I am definitely not in the mood for my monthly Category Review tomorrow. (We're going to meet with the President again on Monday anyway.) Please cancel our meeting tomorrow. *shimmy in the shower* Cancel, cancel, cancel. *shimmy* *shimmy* *shake*"

So yep. Guess what? At 9:35 this morning, he walked into my VP's office to reschedule, ie. cancel. Woooohhoooooo!

You had all better watch out Dahlings..... My powers are growing....

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

The Fast and The Furious

An interesting concept has been making its way around the office in the past few weeks. A few co-workers have gone on a 10-day cleansing fast developed by Stanley Burroughs back in 1941, The Master Cleanser. It's also known as the Lemonade Diet, but I think that name makes it sound far more gimmicky.

Mr.Burroughs, a researcher of disease and “toxemia”, believed disease is simply the accumulation of wastes, toxins, or poisons in the body, which in turn creates the myriad of symptomatic illnesses we are seeing so prevalent in people today.

It is a liquid mono-diet that cleanses and detoxifies the body as it stimulates healthy tissue growth. It consists of fresh lime or lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper mixed with water and drunk 6-12 times a day, for at least 10 days(Met a fellow, "John the Baptist" last night at Super! Tuesday who claims to have done it for 21.). This yummy little "lemonade" concoction is meant to allow a cleansing and rejuvenation of the system. Many people claim to feel a dramatic and beneficial change within their bodies within a fairly short time. These benefits include increased energy, better sleep patterns, less tension, relief from aches and pains, plus clearer thinking. SOUNDS GREAT! Where do I sign up??

Not so fast my friends. Since the Master Cleanse consists of no fiber, you must use a laxative to remove the waste as it is being shed from the colon wall, otherwise it will stay in the body, leading to tiredness and any number of problems. Enter now the Salt Water sludge part of the diet. "Each morning on an empty stomach, add two teaspoons of non-iodized sea salt to a full quart of water. Do not use ordinary iodized salt as it will not work properly. Drink the entire quart of salt water first thing in the morning. "Chug" this — drink it as fast as possible. Within an hour several bowel movements will likely occur. (You'll need to be by a toilet for half an hour to an hour.)" OMGWTFBBQ!!

So not only will you be also stocking up on lemons and cayenne paper, you had better make a Costco run for toilet paper too! This also means I have to get up 90 minutes earlier than usual so as to be close to my own bathroom as the BMs occur. This is a lot of commitment. But then, this isn't called the Partial Cleanse is it? No, it's a MASTER Cleanse. Which means you will probably be saying hello to Thankgsiving Dinner from 1982 at some point.
There is a small group that is intended to start the Fast together, misery loves company and all that. The topic of BMs will surely become at the forefront of many conversations at the workplace; who knew? Although I would love the moral support my co-workers could offer me, I'm not sure I could even commit to 1 full day of this, let alone 10. As we all know, I sorely lack discipline in the area of self-depravation. But since I won't be running any marathons or scaling any mountains this year, perhaps this will have to count as my physical(and mental!) challenge for 2006. Stay tuned...

Friday, September 22, 2006

Friday Scattergories: Redux

E: Yeah.. I think she has scabies...
Row: WHAT? Scabies! What the hell is THAT? Don't pirates get that??!
E: Uh... That's scurvy.

So, it's the last day of summer. And as much as I love Autumn, those words always make me a little sad. THE LAST DAY OF SUMMER. It sounds so final, so.. end of an era. Like somehow I should be running out in my bikini doing a shimmy, soaking up every last ray of sun I can possibly can. Instead, I'm going to return an ill-fitting 1piece bathing suit back to J.Crew. And no, I didn't wear it in Maui! Gross.

Discovered these on a run last month(am I late to the party?) But LOVE them. Taste soooo much better then GU™ and really work! Everybody run out and get some!

So yeah. Did you hear? I got wiped out on Napili Beach while trying to take pictures of my nephew. The wave came in and knocked me down. But because I was holding both my AND my father's camera, I stuck my arms up in the air shouting, "Get the cameras! Get the cameras!" to my sister and BIL. Well, because I didn't brace myself, I got washed out and all my sister saw were too hands sticking out of the water passing her by. After that, I was enitrely in Spin Cycle. ugh. In case you ever wondered, salt water fucks up your digital camera in an very expedient manner. And so now I have added digital camera to the ever-growing list of things I need but can't afford.

Friday, September 15, 2006

On Trial

So I ask you, Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, are these the faces of snake killers???? On second thought, don't answer that....

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Maui was Zowee

I'm back at work on 4 hours sleep. Yes, as can be predicted, our flight was delayed by 2 hours and I couldn't fall asleep until almost 3am. I've still got 70+ emails to go through... I'll try to share more of the Maui Trip tonight while I lobotomize myself watching that douchebag Tucker Carlsson ballroom dance. Until then, a few things I learned while vacationing with my family

  • My Mother is not only the Garbage Nazi; she is also the Laundry Nazi.
  • Owen Wilson's nose is a lot smaller in real life. (Sighting at Maui Airport Bar.)
  • You should really pay more attention when your sister says "here comes a big one." (More on that later.)
  • Travelling with a 3-year-old is not as bad as I thought it would be.
  • Real plumeria smells far better than the crap they sell at Bath & Body Works.
  • You will get flim-flammed. Make sure you are Very Clear about what you pay for in Hawaii.
  • Sometimes.... SPF 15 is just not enough..... OUCH!

PS Blogger photo upload isn't working for me at the moment. Sorry!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I Can't Decide

I leave the house for the airport at 5am tomorrow...
Should I travel in my sleeping clothes? Or sleep in my travel clothes?

And BTW, what is up with this bit of bulldonkey weather forecast??

WedSep 6
Partly Cloudy
20% Precipitation

ThuSep 7
AM Showers / Wind
30% Precipitation

FriSep 8
Showers / Wind
60% Precipitation

SatSep 9
Few Showers / Wind
30% Precipitation

SunSep 10
Showers / Wind
40% Precipitation

MonSep 11
Showers / Wind
40% Precipitation

Friday, September 01, 2006

Do You Remembah?

Wait, wait, hold on.. *stammers* WHOA. Um, huh?? When did September show up? I don't remember inviting him to the party!

I'm not ready Dahlings! I'm not ready! I haven't been to the beach ONCE this summer! (OK, maybe once. But it was pretty cold and I wasn't even in a bathing suit. I don't think it counts and neither should you.)

I've had zero BBQ's on my grill. I've only used my heat lamp once.

Well, that's it. I'm going to have to make up for it. Wednesday, I leave for Maui. .... And I'm going to love it. September better know how to clean up after himself.