The Fast and The Furious

An interesting concept has been making its way around the office in the past few weeks. A few co-workers have gone on a 10-day cleansing fast developed by Stanley Burroughs back in 1941, The Master Cleanser. It's also known as the Lemonade Diet, but I think that name makes it sound far more gimmicky.

Mr.Burroughs, a researcher of disease and “toxemia”, believed disease is simply the accumulation of wastes, toxins, or poisons in the body, which in turn creates the myriad of symptomatic illnesses we are seeing so prevalent in people today.

It is a liquid mono-diet that cleanses and detoxifies the body as it stimulates healthy tissue growth. It consists of fresh lime or lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper mixed with water and drunk 6-12 times a day, for at least 10 days(Met a fellow, "John the Baptist" last night at Super! Tuesday who claims to have done it for 21.). This yummy little "lemonade" concoction is meant to allow a cleansing and rejuvenation of the system. Many people claim to feel a dramatic and beneficial change within their bodies within a fairly short time. These benefits include increased energy, better sleep patterns, less tension, relief from aches and pains, plus clearer thinking. SOUNDS GREAT! Where do I sign up??

Not so fast my friends. Since the Master Cleanse consists of no fiber, you must use a laxative to remove the waste as it is being shed from the colon wall, otherwise it will stay in the body, leading to tiredness and any number of problems. Enter now the Salt Water sludge part of the diet. "Each morning on an empty stomach, add two teaspoons of non-iodized sea salt to a full quart of water. Do not use ordinary iodized salt as it will not work properly. Drink the entire quart of salt water first thing in the morning. "Chug" this — drink it as fast as possible. Within an hour several bowel movements will likely occur. (You'll need to be by a toilet for half an hour to an hour.)" OMGWTFBBQ!!

So not only will you be also stocking up on lemons and cayenne paper, you had better make a Costco run for toilet paper too! This also means I have to get up 90 minutes earlier than usual so as to be close to my own bathroom as the BMs occur. This is a lot of commitment. But then, this isn't called the Partial Cleanse is it? No, it's a MASTER Cleanse. Which means you will probably be saying hello to Thankgsiving Dinner from 1982 at some point.

There is a small group that is intended to start the Fast together, misery loves company and all that. The topic of BMs will surely become at the forefront of many conversations at the workplace; who knew? Although I would love the moral support my co-workers could offer me, I'm not sure I could even commit to 1 full day of this, let alone 10. As we all know, I sorely lack discipline in the area of self-depravation. But since I won't be running any marathons or scaling any mountains this year, perhaps this will have to count as my physical(and mental!) challenge for 2006. Stay tuned...