Bitch Slap List

Watch out. Someone let that crazy bitch loose at Cannes.
According to egotastic:
"Okay, I have no idea why the hell Bai Ling is at Cannes. Then again, I don't know why Paris Hilton is there either. At least, unlike Paris, though, Bai Ling is doing something productive with her time in Cannes. And what is she doing? Why, slipping the nipple, what else. Yes, it's a completely gratuitous Bai Ling nipple slip, but aren't gratuitous nipple slips always the best?
Update: I've figured out why Bai Ling is in Cannes. If you look past her breasts, and exposed nipple, you may notice some posters for Shanghai Baby. I guess that's a movie she's in. Now, the question still remains, why is Bai Ling in a movie?"
God she seriously bugs me. And if fact, on my list of people to Bitch Slap, she pretty much ranks as #1. I'm so pissed I ever lent her my rhinestone earrings from 1984. Clearly, she never gave them back.
Now of course, this begs the question. Who else is on my Bitch Slap list? Quid pro quo Doctor: Who's on yours?

Bay to Breakers? Check.

Would I do it again? Errreehh..I wouldn't count it out.
The morning started out a bit dubiously as I woke up over an hour before I needed to, and couldn't fall back asleep. "Fuck". And I also awoke to the thump of rain. "Double Fuck", I thought and rolled over. ...They do Rain Dances... I'm going to do a mental Don't Rain Dance.

Whoa! it worked! It stopped raining in time for the race and didn't start again until far into the afternoon. AWESOME. I would have to say, the 4am rainfall did help with one thing. A lot less nudity than usual; because it's always the people you DONT want to see naked who are naked, am I right?

To be clear, my group had the intention of actually running the 7.5 miles. No costumes. No beer. No nudity. ( I know.. you're thinking: And No Fun.)
The first mile was tough to get through. Afterall, maneuvering yourself through a crowd of 62,000 participants is no easy feat. D had not run for 1/2 year and I think he played it safe for potential injury sake, keeping pretty much 10ft behind the pace of me and my girlfriends. It was a comfort to know he was there right behind me though. Each time I looked, there he was with his eyes on me and all I could do was smile, smile, smile.

Hayes Street Hill at about mile 2 wasn't too much of an issue. I have the hill I live on to thank for that. At about mile 5.. I missed my honey and wanted to be by his side. So I slowed down to look for him. But I coudn't spot the bright blue floral of his board shorts. Little did I know, but right about the same time, D decided to ramp up his speed to catch me. Should've known he wasn't going to let a bunch of girls finish before him. Ha! I was bummed we didn't cross the finish line anywhere close to one another.. and didn't understand how we could've slipped by each other. "Well, I think in a crowd of 62,000 that was bound to happen. But we got through the first half together."

He's right, he's right. I know he's right.....
All in all, a great morning. The sun was actually shining down at the Ocean Beach Finish Line and I only saw 4 naked butts (3 saggy) and 1 weiner. D was a bit disappointed he saw no boobies; too bad, so sad.

PS. I did not put "proof" on the pic as proof I ran the race. It's the photo people's way of preventing ghetto folks like me from doing a home print job from their laptops. I'm still not going to buy the picture.... And no. I don't know who the shirtless dude is in the back.

Flies Be Gone

So I know you are all in suspense....actually since RJ and family are spending the night this weekend, concern might be more accurate...

For now, be not worried. I haven't seen the wall spit out any flies since Tuesday night. (God I hope that wasn't just the first wave!) And B was kind enough to recognize a damsel in insect distress. He sealed the hole up all nice and neat with some proper duct tape. MUCH better!! How'd he do that? My tape job would look like a 3yr old did it. (No offense RJ.) All uneven and slack.
Hopefully that'll hold until I make the Home Depot trip for a face plate.

Well, crises averted, for now.

To get our minds off that hole in the wall, here's the obligatory pic of the awesome view from my deck. Notice how the fog just sits over there and yet it's sunny where I am.
Good grief. I've got the back door open and 3 flies just flew in!! WTF!!!! These guys do not know what they are in for! They are going to get a pounding. Don't they know this is a No Fly Zone!!!! ? *laughs uproariously* Get it? Get it??? NO FLY ZONE???? God damn. How do I do it??

Aaah Lillies... ILLLL... Flies!

To Fly or Not to Fly? I shall post what my own Amityville Horror looked like Monday night but I will ease into it for your sake. Below is a shot of my Heywood Wakefield end table with fresh Calla Lillies from my garden. Aaaah. Isn't it soothing??? So loverly.

If dead flies turn you off however, I heartily encourage you to stay focused on the calla lillies and go no further.
No.

Really.

Enjoy the flowers.

Feel the calm of the glow of the table lamp.

And if you do decide to look, don't do it while eating. In fact, don't do it while you're anywhere near food. Ok?


For those of you of heartier stock... Yesterday was the worst, I was hoping the contractor would come over and take care of it all. But he's busy and can't come by for another couple of weeks. WHAT? I can't wait that long!... I am raising my Girlie White Flag and state for the record that I need help to cover this shit up. Who knows how to cover this hole? Until then, I had to suck it up and clean up the flies. gggGGaaa.
It was horrible.
I squealed like a silly little girl.
*scurries away with a case of the heebie jeebies*

My Weekend

I know it was Mother's Day weekend, but it's my blog so it's My Weekend. Am I right??!

And not only was Mother's Day on the agenda, we also had D's birthday to celebrate. From a list of options, he opted for a road excursion down the Highway 1 coast, ending in Big Sur. It was a lovely day that included a picnic on the beach and a hike in the woods. Unfortunately, we both forgot our cameras. But here's one of the sights..., you guy can pretend I took the picture. ha! It was such a glorious day Saturday that it pretty much did look like this.

Unfortunately, Beach Waterfall is not accessible so as to protect it's pristine nature from us no good humans.

Moving on to Sunday, we continued to be blessed with extraordinary weather.
Unfortunately, the fates have blessed me with something else. As I pit-patted in my kitchen preparing breakfast and bracing my home for my family. I looked over to the living room and realize there are a good 8-12 flies just hanging out on the wall. SOMETHING WAS WRONG. .. Chills crept up and down my spine and I started freaking out.

GGGaaaa! Conventional wisdom tells me the dead animal stink a month ago has now given rise to a colony of flies in the wall. (And they are some FAT f*ckers too!) And they chose a hot and balmy Mother's Day to crawl out of the hole in the wall that the previous owner had attached a wall sconce to. So D taped it up, but they continue to fly around attempting to escape from out under the tape. My Dad Raid-ed it and kept retaping it. (Which was good cuz it occupied him and have him something to be in charge of while the cooking was done.) But when I left the house today... there were a good 12 flies that had crawled out an inch or two and died in the tape. GGgggaaaa! WTF??????????????? I'm afraid to go home......

No Pupparazi Please!!

 So I was walking along the street at lunch the other day, minding my shopping business.  And then I start panicking.  In the windows of the Old Navy store I see a poster:

Oh.My.God.  It's my chance to be a stagemother!!!   I have absolutely no qualms about whoring Sake out.  Mama needs a new Mark Jacobs handbag.   Besides, how could they not want her???

So now I need your help.  Which picture should I submit???  (Yes, I can only submit one.) I have an inkling of which one I'll use... but I want your input.  You see Old Navy's celebrity judges pick the top 6 and then the public will decide.  GGGAAAAA!!!!  Cast your prelim vote here.. and then when the time comes I hope she'll make the Top 6 for you guys to shoot her to the top!!!!!

If you're a regular reader, you'll recognize the pics....  But cast your vote!

Sake to Me!

Some of you know(or not!) that I occasionally get weekend custody of my mom's West Highland Terrier. Lord knows I talk about her like she's with me 24/7. .. I wish she was. After 17 months of bonding, Sake, or rather Sasa, has become the love of my life.

Our first meeting was a bit anti-climactic. She was already at my sister's house; completely buggled, confused, and frightfully shy. But it didn't take long to notice that she loved to cuddle and snuggle. For a terrier, she was unusually affectionate and in no time, won me over. In the past year, her little antics have continued to melt my heart and she knows it. Yes, I love this little Pooper Scooper. With no children of my own, and enough heartbreaks in my backpockets, having another creature give me the unconditional love and affection she does is binding?. Who else jumps up into air at the sight of you? Jumping so high she loses her balance and sometimes lands on her back. Men don't do that! ha!

I love the way she keeps looking behind to see if I'm still there when we go on off-leash walkies. I love the way she waits for me to stir in the morning before attacking me with morning kisses. I love the way her little paws look when she's hanging out my car window. I love the way she insists on curling up on the couch with me when I take my afternoon naps. (I even love when she also insists on curling up right next to me when D and I are on the couch.)

And how does D feel about my relationship with Sake? (Hmmm. Yes. How DO you feel?!)... I think he watches with a certain sense of bemusement. He has quite a way with canines, I call him the Dog Whisperer. But unlike me, he can somehow distinguish between the animal world and ours. When I worry about her being lonely or stressed out, or confused, he inevitably turns to me calmly and says with a smile... "It's ok. She's just a dog...". Perhaps I do assign her one too many human traits; afterall, does she really care that her Isaac Mizrahi trenchcoat keeps her dry? That her Three Dog Bakery chicken meals are All Natural? That she's going to look FIERCE in her new July 4th outfit? She doesn't know that I miss her so much that I think about calling in sick just so I could spend the day with her. She doesn't know that having her curled up next to me fills me with such joy that I feel like I don't need anything else. I guess she has become far more than just a dog to me. "I know. I know. She's your baby.., " D says. Yes. She's my Sake to Me baby. ...